oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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