why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
