i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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