i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am available for nakedness
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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