my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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