Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
