We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
