She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
