I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
