my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
