I think I died a long time ago.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
