are you still at the devil's house?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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