Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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