did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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