just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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