My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
