my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
