We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
