Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
