somebody snuck up and got me drunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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