Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
