I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
