At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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