yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
