I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
