and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The Olympian is in my bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wear drunk well.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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