Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize