First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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