People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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