I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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