I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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