I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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