Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
