HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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