New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
