Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
