You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
