ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
