'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's always time for handjobs
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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