You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
