I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
