Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
