I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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