god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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