She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
