get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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