just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
