Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
