Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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