allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
