There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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