this beer tastes like vomit already
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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