we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
