I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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