I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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