I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
