I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
