I am full of burrito and curiosity
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My life is pants optional.
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