I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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