I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize