This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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