dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
