Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
