So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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