Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
