I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
