So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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