And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
