i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
