Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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