my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
