somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize