I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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