Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
