My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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